Torture

Mankind has a long and murky history of not being very nice to itself. At one point there were entire industries and professions built around how to inflict the maximum amount of suffering on the human body. Tipping my hat to our dark past, I have gathered together what I believe to be the four most heinous and odious torture devices from the damp shadows of bygone eras:

1. Persians: ‘Throw them to the ashes!’ is a phrase that appears often in ancient Persian manuscripts but has baffled historians for quite some time. Luckily for us, a clever German man named Bruno has recently solved the conundrum. He reckons that the Persians would place a thick layer of ash on the floor of a room and then lock someone in it. The person would have to remain standing, otherwise they would start to inhale the ash. Inevitably, the victim would eventually collapse from exhaustion and inhale the ash. This would lead to a slow and painful suffocation. You can read about it in a Spiegel article here. Very creative.

2. More Persians: The Tub is also mentioned in the Spiegel article above - it is far too disturbing for me to repeat, but is perhaps the most dastardly torture on this list. Something was clearly very wrong with the Ancient Persians.

3. Greeks: A nasty little man called Perillos invented the Brazen Bull as a novel method of execution. It was a hollow, bronze bull that a person could fit inside alongside an elaborate system of bellows, tubes and horns. A fire would be lit under the bull and the person within would slowly roast. The bellows would convert their screams into the sound of an enraged bull and smoke would blow through the bull’s nose. A deeply unnecessary illusion! However, the pixies of karma obviously have a black sense of humour, as when Perillos proposed his lovely device to the ruler of Athens, Perillos was given the honour of being the first to test it out. Lesson: don’t invent torture devices! Sinister stuff.

4. Europeans: The Pear of Anguish was used by the medieval Europeans. Great name. It seems to have been a fairly popular way to dispatch witches, homosexuals, blasphemers and liars. It was a metal device shaped like a pear that would expand and blossom once it was shoved somewhere terribly unpleasant (I think you get the general idea). And, just in case an interruption (what is the correct collective noun here?) of academics descends on me, I should point out that this torture device might only have existed in the minds of twisted medieval writers. Alas, the dangers of fiction.

On that macabre note, have a fun weekend!